A lack of forgiveness is destroying homes, fracturing churches, leading to bitterness and, most importantly, affecting our relationship with Christ.
In the parable of the Unjust Steward, we see the comparison of the enormity of the debt that Christ paid for our sins and the relatively small hurts or debts we harbor and demand restitution for from others. How pious we view ourselves as we readily accept God’s free payment of salvation for ourselves and continue to harbor hurt and anger towards others.
Forgiveness is a choice we make. It is not feeling based. Regardless of how we might feel about the situation or how we might feel in regards to the hurt; we have a God given mandate to forgive others as He has forgiven us. We often try to rationalize the situation, but confronting the situation head on and making things right as soon as possible will be the path towards Godly peace.
When I choose not to forgive I run the risk of facing a multitude of difficulties. Mark 11:24-25 explains that my prayers will not be answered because God will not hear me if I do not forgive others.
Forgiveness is a two way street. There are instances when we need to seek forgiveness for hurts or wrongs we may have caused. Then, there are times when we need to grant forgiveness when others have hurt or wronged us. Both are vitally important to the spiritual condition of our relationship with the Lord. However, it seems that it is the lack of ability to grant forgiveness to those who have hurt us that ultimately leads to spiritual hardship through depression, defeat, and bitterness. This is the direction of forgiveness we want to focus on in these pages.
How do I forgive when I am so deeply hurt?
- I forgive AS Christ forgave me and BECAUSE Christ forgave me! Christ forgave my sins on the cross of Calvary Before I was born, Before I knew Him, and Before I has sinned! Christ’s love and forgiveness to me was unconditional! Christ forgave my every sin and buried them in the deepest sea, as far as the East is from the West! I forgive others because Christ forgave me.
I also forgive others As Christ forgave me in that He no longer holds them to my account. He does not remind me of my sin (Satan will remind us, but Christ will never remind us of our sin). Christ does not expect me to pay for my sin – He paid it all! Christ is not holding them back to use against me some day. Christ has washed away my sin. He has forgiven me completely. That is how I am to forgive others.
- I forgive others by Choice. My feelings are not relevant in the act of forgiveness. I do not forgive because I feel better about the situation. Again, Christ does not excuse sin or overlook sin – He simply and completely forgave me of my sin. When we forgive others it is by choice.
- I forgive others by praying for them. It is very difficult to hold anger and resentment against someone when you are praying for them. Learn to pray that God will use them, show Himself to them in a special way, and that God would possibly restore your relationship.
* Please note: There are cases where further contact and relationships are no longer possible or advised. In cases of abuse, for example, one can forgive the offender for what they have done without renewing any contact with the perpetrator. When a child or a spouse has been through physical abuse, it is important in their healing and future for them to find forgiveness towards the one that hurt them; but they should by all means, stay away from them. Forgiveness does not forget what they have done. Forgiveness simply releases myself and the offender from the anger, bitterness, and hatred and enables the offended (the victim) to grow spiritually and live in newness of life.
- I follow Matthew 18:15-17. To seek forgiveness I go to that other brother first. If he will not hear me, I take a witness or two with me. If they will not receive me with witnesses, than I go to the church. We are not to broadcast our hurt or anger, but rather to deal with those affected.
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What if I don’t forgive?
- I put myself in spiritual jeopardy. I run the risk of not having my prayers answered (as we looked at previously). I put my relationship with Christ at a standstill. If not dealt with, I run the risk of spiritual decay and shipwreck. (Matthew 25:40)
- My spirit may infect others. Anger and resentment towards another will undoubtedly affect those around us. Children sense that anger we may have towards a former spouse. A church member will sense that anger that one member has towards another. We may try to cover it up, but as bitterness grows in our life it begins to show itself in our countenance and in our words.
- An unforgiving spirit will eventually lead to bitterness. The Word of God refers to the “root” of bitterness. Bitterness can be masked or hid for a while, but eventually, as with all roots, it begins to show itself. Our health will suffer as these thoughts of anger keep us awake at night and play upon our mind. Our mental state will suffer and so often leads to depression. Our conduct will suffer as we reveal our anger towards others when their name is mentioned or when the make contact with us. Bitterness is on of Satan’s main weapons in his arsenal and he has attacked so many Christians with it. We see the downward spiral of Bitterness revealed in Ephesians 4:26-32. The Word of God shows a progression from bitterness to wrath to anger to clamor to evil speaking and eventually to malice.
Bitterness = harboring hurt in my heart
Wrath = a slow burn towards them
Anger = outward signs begin to show
Clamor = verbalizing our anger begins
Evil Speaking = specific outbursts
Malice = desire for harm
We often try to ignore or excuse our lack of forgiveness. We need to remember at these times that God did not ignore reaching out to us. Don’t excuse the hurt, deal with it and thrive in the Christian life!
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